I'm Not Fine Now, But I WILL Be
Years ago, I found myself sitting around a dinner table with executives at a posh restaurant in New York City. I can remember marveling at the company I now regularly kept. Career success had always been quite important to me and I had worked extremely hard to achieve the “NYC posh restaurant with executives” type of success. It’s funny how we often have such a warped sense of accomplishment. Anyway…
The first course had been served and the table conversation was lively and congenial. There were only a few women executives on the leadership team, all of us were mothers. As was typical, we made sure to text or call our children before it got too late. Karen (as I will call her) seemed to be on her call a lot longer than normal, especially given she did not step away from the dinner table to make it. I could sense from her tone and body language that something was wrong – certainly not an emergency but more like a heighten level of stress and pull on her spirit. Her call concluded and she excused herself from the dinner table and headed toward the ladies’ room.
I got up just after Karen to seize the bathroom break moment, but really, I wanted to make sure she was alright. As we both stood washing our hands, I looked at her directly in the mirror and asked, “Is everything okay?” Her hasty response, “What? I’m fine.”
Just seconds later, Karen stops suddenly in the long hallway leading back to our table. She starts to sob uncontrollably, seemingly unaware or unconcerned about who might see or hear her. Karen had reached her threshold. She had reached the point where the stress took away her ability to maintain the pretty packaging we often show up in.
Karen was not fine – she was a stone’s throw away from divorce, the weight of her high-profile leadership role was heavier than she anticipated, and her extensive travel had just gotten in the way of precious weekend time with her children.
How often has someone asked you if you were okay; and you responded back with the robotic superwoman speak we have all somehow universally learned? You responded, “I’m fine”, when truthfully your mind, body and spirit were completely misaligned. I’ve contemplated why time and time again I have been placed in front of women who were on the brink. I got my answer after reading Squire Rushnell’s book, When God Winks – How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life. The book is a fascinating collage of short stories all centered on events or intersections between people that are not really coincidences at all. My purpose was made clear through Karen.
That night, there in the hallway, I grabbed both of Karen’s hands and held them tightly. I asked her to breathe. I told her that she was in control. I drew her attention to the tiny, silver cross delicately placed at the center of her necklace. I asked her why she wore it. I reminded her that her faith would give her the power and strength she would need for her next step.
In an act of divine purpose Karen had someone see her. I saw past her fancy professional title and fierce leadership in a male-dominated industry. I saw a mother wrought with guilt from the past weekend when she tried desperately to get home by Friday night. A canceled flight meant a promise to her children broken….again.
How many promises have we broken to others, and more importantly to ourselves? How many times have we allowed a boundary to be crossed or traded something valuable to climb the ladder of success? We have put the mask of “I’m fine” on daily like a runway model’s perfectly beat face. We strut full speed ahead, not realizing that our very next step is right off the platform, face-first.
There will be no platform-plunging here! We must see one another. We must not assume that the strongest among us can always hold that post. We must pray for each other or send positive vibes into the universe for a woman you know needs it. We must help each other turn the defensive “I’m fine” into the affirmative “I WILL be fine” backed by the clarity that choosing your health and wellness as a priority is the only choice.
The authority is yours. Recognize it, use it. Then, find a measure of success that you feel great about.